“The story of who?”

17264252_10155061643485283_6391779922661150263_nI am pretty sure it was my father who taught me about the importance of unconditional love.  Not to judge people and to treat others how you would want to be treated. I have raised my children this way, and to be honest sometimes they have to remind me about this.  I will not get political here, nor will I bring in religion. Though I am sure many of you reading this. Those two subjects will be on your mind.

What is going through my mind is how society is judging certain characters and real life people who have real feelings, who have a heart, a soul, and a right to live in the world they were given since birth.

Everyday we have to deal with circumstances no matter who you are, or where you come from. Imagine one morning you wake up and you decide you are going to do things your way. How you want to and nothing will get in your way. This isn’t a bad thing. It works for you, and nobody is going to get hurt in this process. You are happy, and as long as you are happy this should make everyone else happy.  After all, who wants to be around a miserable person. Can you imagine going to your favorite store or work and the people working there are depressed and resentful because they were not allowed live how they choose? They are forced to be how they are because society forced them too be.

We have all been taught, don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Why is it not acceptable to read what is inside.  Every book has a meaning and how will you ever know the story until you have read every chapter. What is the story telling you?  Have you taken a moment to find out the meaning of each chapter in this persons life.  Don’t judge someone on their prologue. Engaging  in someone and getting to know them better with each chapter in their life lets you find out what is inside this persons soul.  You never know, you may find some things are familiar with some chapters in your life. You will find that this person is very different then you are, and has been raised in a way you can never imagine. But imagine this… two people, completely different in every day, from background, to race, to gender and emotions.  Your paths have crossed because of uncontrollable circumstances.  You open this book into this persons life and as you turn the pages reading each of their life experiences and there is this one topic. This one chapter. This one moment in this persons life. That touches you. Something that feels so familiar. You could never imagine that this person has gone through the same life experience as you. How could they? They are so different in every way.  But there was that one thing that was so important to you, and life changing. It could have been, disappointing your family because you chose a career your family never wanted for you. Or getting married to that one person your family never understood. There are so many challenging things that could happen in your life that nobody could ever understand. Just when you were looking for someone to understand you and just to know that you are not the only one in the world who had gone through some challenges. You may find that the end the other persons story will capture your heart. Because just like you, they chose to live a life that makes them happy. And if they did live their life how society, or their family or peers forced them too. What would we be looking at, inside of this person.  The chapters would be all scrambled, each chapter would be incomplete and as we turn the pages, the stories would all be the same dead end.  We might get a small glimpse into this persons life, but always in the end we would feel tragedy and the whole book would be a facade. We would have a world full of fictional people trapped in a never happy ending story.

But just remember, behind those fictional people whom society is forcing to be who they aren’t. There is a person in there. Just open the story, and explore what is in their life. If we all did that, without judging the prologue,  I believe everyone deserves a…

                                                        “And they lived happily ever after..”


You are my song


Those words you sing, dancing in my head, the voice I hear I know what you said
You’re singing a song about your life, the love we have, a bond so tight

singing your lullaby, dancing around the room by my side
the smile on your face and the glow as your dance with so much grace

Those words you sing, dancing in my head, the voice I hear I know what you said
You’re singing a song about my life, how much I love you every day and night
That bond we have, just me and you, is a song itself if the world only knew

we dance around the room singing about the moon, how it glows at night when we talk about the rainbows all the colors in the sky are a symbol of our life.

pink blue and purple three of the colors that are simple, the words you sing dancing in my head, the voice I hear I know what you said, the love we have a bond so tight
just like the colors that are in the sky, a symbol of our life a symbol of our love

Those words you sing dancing in my head, singing your lullaby, dancing around the room…

Daddy’s girl

daddygirlLaying in bed looking at every corner of the room, searching for anything… any sign, a signal… hope.. my life is so full of mystery and question… why am I here.. what should I do.. what could I do.   Here is lay thinking about every situation in my life. Wondering if I have meaning and what will happen next.

I am 15 years old, sobbing and shaking… because I am not ready to face the world.   Still looking at every corner of my room knowing that any moment I will find the answer.    My mind starts to wander and my tears are still flowing… “paper…  I grab a fresh pad of paper and my pen”  My thoughts suddenly make sense as I begin to write another poem about my current feelings… I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breathe and start to calm down.. just enough to start writing.

I am ready to face the world, I walk outside and look up to the sky and start to smile

My face starts to glow as I smell the fresh air that brushes against my face I hear every sound in the almost silent field

I start to feel a presence getting close to me as I stand still waiting to see what it can be.  I close my eyes and wait as the feeling gets stronger

I being to wonder if it will ever appear yet I sense that it is near… my senses become stronger, the sounds that surround me start to get louder.  Yet I still can’t see that such a strong feeling of the familiar presence.  I look around me and again up in the beautiful sky.  I am still smiling, yet I wonder why.   Getting impatient I sit down and brush the grass enjoying the smell of the freshly cut scent.   Somehow thinking that familiar feeling is getting very close.   Feeling to relaxed I lay down and listen… I begin to hear the voice.. but still it isn’t there.  “The voice is telling me that everything will be okay, take care of yourself and don’t let the challenges get you down.  Use your head, you are smart and you are pretty.  Be careful with money and don’t spend on things you can’t afford.  Take care of your mother because she loves you.”

My eyes start to water as I wipe away the tears and continue to listen to the lecture… It is then I know who it is…

“Don’t lose yourself in the moment.. I love you, your mom loves you, and your children love you.  I worry about you, but I know you will be alright, I love you.”

I open my eyes and look around and still with that smile I look at the sky.

“Thank you daddy, thank you for coming to me, thank you for making me feel safe.. thank you for letting me know everything is going to be alright..”

I love you Daddy

The Guardian’s

GuardianThe guardian should be dedicated, patient, compassionate, strong, and willing to take on any challenge.  She should be experienced and proven track record of confidence and trust. Trust, the guardian should have trust, be trusting, you should trust your gut, trust your life, trust that this is the perfect environment for a teenage boy.  Heidi has proven to be a hard working trusting parent.  Her dedication to her family has brought nothing but comfort to every child her heart touches. The smile on the face of her kids, my kids and all the grandkids in her life will tell a thousand words.  She makes each of them feel confident and lets them know they can do anything they set their mind too.  Her patience when teaching them important things in life… to be kind, to share and to live your dream.  She listens to them when they are hurting, or even when they just want to talk about that special thing that happened today.  Her family outings so her children have memories of growing up. Even if its just going out to ice cream to celebrate report cards or a milestone in the child’s life. She makes them feel special and accomplished.  She makes them feel like they can and will succeed.  My children respect Heidi and know that only one phone call away she is there to give them advice or even a much needed lecture.  I trust this in Heidi and I feel so blessed to have her in my life and in my children and grandchildren’s life.  Heidi and Greg’s home is the perfect place for a child to grow and feel safe.  They will give everything in their power to make sure Zach grows up to be a respectful part of the community. They will nurture him with love and patently give him all the steps he needs to do good in school, and be raised as a wonderful young man that we can all be proud of.

Hi-Lo (Heidi- Lauren)

heidibrookThe first time I met Heidi was when I was dating her brother Mel…  it was in October and we were planning on going to a Haunted House.  I was scared to go, he told me his sister will calm me down… a few days later I remember seeing Heidi again at Mel’s house where a room he rented.  She was going to a Halloween party.  We never really talked.. until I moved to Vacaville with Mel and I remember getting a late night phone call from Heidi asking when my baby was due (Michael)  Soon after Michael was born I attended the first Allen family function for Nicole’s 3rd birthday party… I think there are picture of this somewhere on the web.   Heidi and I quickly bonded as we spent many Christmas Eves together.  I think we got that spark when we were in Oakley California at the Ranch and our boyfriends were at a bar drinking.  We were livid because they were out drinking and we were at home with the kids. (maybe we were jealous)   Since then, we were inseparable.  I began a bond with Nichole, Heidi trusted me enough to allow me to babysit her daughter on a regular basis.   Her brother Mel and I had a rocky relationship.  We must have broken up dozens of times.. yet Heidi and I still seemed to stay connected.  During Mel and my roller coaster relationship.. we had raised three kids together.   Though Mel and I had our ups and downs.  I still remained close to his family.  Divorcing Mel did not mean I had to divorce his family.  I am sure it as hard. But he accepted that I would always be welcome in this family.  And remain best friends with his sister.  I have to say.  I do respect Mel for accepting this.  Heidi … and Lauren.. Hi-Lo… Mel and I split when I was in my early 20’s  leaving me single .. Heidi being single.  We both had our own apartment.  Great jobs and every other weekend off from parenthood. Oh geez  !  Just the thought.  My fondest memories were trips to Las Vegas, Trips around town.  Being too lazy to drive to local bars, we would walk to our local ATM.  “How much cash you have in your bank?”  Umm $$$ “okay, I have $$$”  cool lets get a limo !  This was common for us.  But usually it would end up we would be so drunk our limo would get stolen from us lmao….  our trips to So Cal and Las Vegas.. (oh crap I am not allowed to talk about those trips right?)   Then there became Greg and Rick… Oh my… did we really have to grow up? Would this grow us apart?  Never… we both remarried about one year apart and both had settled down into the “family life”  we both supported and still support each other.   My glam life no longer exists. I have been a stay at home mom/grandmother for the last decade or so.. so no more expendable money.  I have lost some friends because of this…. but not Heidi.  She is still 100% my soul bff.  The glory of social networking… I would have to wait for her to log into FB to pour out my dramatic day to her for a few years.  Then just last year she bought her first iphone and now had learned how texting is our lifeline… So we are able to Facetime and Text on a daily basis.  I get to hear about her daily routines with her children.   Many people question how and why Heidi and I can remain best friends because of the circumstances of her bother and I.   We have always had the understanding that no matter what happens with Mel and I.  We do not bring it into our relationship.  I do not vent to Heidi about Mel !   Also… though Mel and I have had our differences, we have ALWAYS kept the biggest reason for custody battles out of our relationships.  We have never fought over money over our children… we have only gone to court ONCE over custody and is because an outside party sent Mel FALSE documentation about my living situation… other then that we have been able to stay out of courts.  Which makes things easier for the whole family.  Today, I am so proud and happy to be part of the Allen & Pepin family.  Heidi is not only my best friend, she is my role model.   She lives and breathes to help her family.  Not only her immediate… having two boys and one girl.. she had her grandchildren, and niece and nephews and great… niece, nephews who she opens her heart to.  Heidi lives and breathes for her family.  She would do anything for any of us.  Her favorite thing is cooking and making sure everybody has a relaxed and good time, happy and content… this makes Heidi content.   Her daily messages about all her children.. how they are exceeding in life and school brings everybody to tears and smiles because we are right there with her family for all of their accomplishments !! And yes they are always accomplishments.  Because having a mother like Heidi? How can you ever go wrong? Having an Aunt like Heidi?  How can you ever get better? Having a sister like Heidi? Mel.. we scored… !!


ImageI am so proud to hfamilydinnerave been raised in a sobremesa environment.  In the Sako household we used to spend every day playing outside with our friends.  Riding bikes, playing tag, street hockey or basketball.  Our parents were rarely outside keeping an eye on us.   The only rule was to be home by 5pm for dinner time.  The girls had to come in at least 15 minutes ahead if it was our turn to set the table and help make a salad.  We had a home cooked meal ready for us every single day. Unless mom was sick in bed.  We all had our own seat at the table and occasionally got to move seats if it we all voted on it. Mom used to always sit down last, Dad was the first to begin, by starting on his rice, then salad and them the meal. It was always home style cooking. We NEVER had a choice of what we got to eat for the night, it was either what mom cooked or don’t eat at all, but we were still required to sit at the table with the whole family until everybody was finished eating. During this time we would usually hear about my dads day. We would talk about what we are going to have for dessert or patiently wait for family board game time. When I married my husband we did things a lot different.  Though we would not let our kids sit at the table alone. We usually made dinners a fun time.  We would play restaurant and let our children chose from a home made menu. I would play dinosaurs with my kids so they would eat their veggies.  It was pretty rare to have a family sit down dinner unless it was a special holiday like Christmas or Thanksgiving.  I do believe my children enjoy those sobremesa moments sitting around telling stories about growing up in our family.  There stories usually include a lot of giggles and teasing usually always has to include my horrible cooking !  Rick usually ends up doing most of the cooking and they are okay but they are not quiet about saying. ” Mom can’t cook” … these are some of my favorite moments in life…




My version of Eunoia..  “Got a little side tracked in the meaning”

Sitting in my bedroom next to the window, looking at the beautiful sunset.  Thinking about life…

I take a deep breathe and smile… still looking a the beautiful sky.  I hear the sounds of chirping birds as the mama is trying to teach her babies to fly.

Fly… thinking about teaching my children to fly.  Just like the mama bird she patiently waits until her babies are ready.  The birds flap their wings and scream for attention from the parents.   Mama bird listens and waits… the baby quietly walks to the edge.. and fly’s to mama bird.  Mama always has a treat for her babies as they follow her instruction.  The babies, never leaving there parents side, even when they have to fly to work.  They wait and wait and wait patiently for their parents to come back.  The bond and trust these birds have for each other is beautiful.

Thinking about my own babies and that I should also wait patiently for them to leave the nest… and know that they will always come back to me, knowing I will always be here…. maybe not a treat in hand (lol) but i will be proud.. whatever they do.. because just like the bird families.. we are always there for each other no matter what.

Okay.. maybe this isn’t Enoia but I am thinking maybe more free thinking..

Eunoia is the shortest English word containing all five main vowel graphemes. It comes from the Greek word εὔνοια, meaning “well mind” or “beautiful thinking.”