Laying in bed looking at every corner of the room, searching for anything… any sign, a signal… hope.. my life is so full of mystery and question… why am I here.. what should I do.. what could I do. Here is lay thinking about every situation in my life. Wondering if I have meaning and what will happen next.
I am 15 years old, sobbing and shaking… because I am not ready to face the world. Still looking at every corner of my room knowing that any moment I will find the answer. My mind starts to wander and my tears are still flowing… “paper… I grab a fresh pad of paper and my pen” My thoughts suddenly make sense as I begin to write another poem about my current feelings… I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breathe and start to calm down.. just enough to start writing.
I am ready to face the world, I walk outside and look up to the sky and start to smile
My face starts to glow as I smell the fresh air that brushes against my face I hear every sound in the almost silent field
I start to feel a presence getting close to me as I stand still waiting to see what it can be. I close my eyes and wait as the feeling gets stronger
I being to wonder if it will ever appear yet I sense that it is near… my senses become stronger, the sounds that surround me start to get louder. Yet I still can’t see that such a strong feeling of the familiar presence. I look around me and again up in the beautiful sky. I am still smiling, yet I wonder why. Getting impatient I sit down and brush the grass enjoying the smell of the freshly cut scent. Somehow thinking that familiar feeling is getting very close. Feeling to relaxed I lay down and listen… I begin to hear the voice.. but still it isn’t there. “The voice is telling me that everything will be okay, take care of yourself and don’t let the challenges get you down. Use your head, you are smart and you are pretty. Be careful with money and don’t spend on things you can’t afford. Take care of your mother because she loves you.”
My eyes start to water as I wipe away the tears and continue to listen to the lecture… It is then I know who it is…
“Don’t lose yourself in the moment.. I love you, your mom loves you, and your children love you. I worry about you, but I know you will be alright, I love you.”
I open my eyes and look around and still with that smile I look at the sky.
“Thank you daddy, thank you for coming to me, thank you for making me feel safe.. thank you for letting me know everything is going to be alright..”
I love you Daddy